Chat with Our "AI"
Experience the power of our revolutionary if/else statements!
GREETINGS HUMAN. I AM TOTALLY REAL AI. HOW MAY I ASSIST YOU IN SEPARATING YOU FROM YOUR MONEY TODAY? 💸
How Our "AI" Works
Our advanced AI technology uses a sophisticated algorithm to select from pre-written responses:
function getAIResponse() {
// Advanced machine learning algorithm
return responses[Math.floor(Math.random() * responses.length)];
}* This is literally our entire codebase
Meet Our "AI" Team
LIVE FOOTAGE
Meet Kevin - Our "AI"
This is Kevin. He's not actually an AI, just a guy we keep tied to a chair in our office and force to write responses all day. When you chat with "Totally Real AI," you're literally just talking to Kevin who's desperately trying to sound like a robot.
Kevin's Qualifications:
- Dropped out of community college (twice)
- Expert at copy-pasting from Reddit
- Can type 12 words per minute (on a good day)
- Powered entirely by energy drinks and existential dread
- Has watched at least 3 YouTube videos about crypto
- Excellent at pretending to be a computer
"Please send help. They only feed me ramen noodles and broken dreams. Also, my chair is really uncomfortable." - Kevin, 2025
* Kevin is not actually held against his will. He's here voluntarily because his mom kicked him out and we provide free WiFi.
** The rope is just for show. It's actually just really strong tape.